I’m a sixteen year old girl living in France.
So a week ago something happened, and after reading about slut-shaming and rape culture, I think now’s the time to talk about it.
I went into town with my mom before my dance class last week. We got separated as I wanted to go to my favorite bookstore and she needed to go somewhere else.
At about five meters from the bookstore, this guy shows up with a friend from nowhere and starts touching my breasts. I didn’t see them coming; I was already looking at the books inside. I didn’t hear them either because of my headphones. Right there, in the middle of a crowded square at the center of town, some random guy was touching my breasts as his friend laughed. It was over my shirt, but it happened anyways.
Nobody saw us because he was standing too close to me and by the time anyone would have noticed, I was pushing him away violently. He laughed and said “why are you acting this way?” as his friend laughed beside him. I ran into the bookstore.
Now it didn’t wound me mentally. I was shaken for a few hours but moved on. Maybe they were a bit drunk, but at 2 p.m.? I didn’t think so. And anyways, why should alcohol excuse that behavior?
Yes, it was a form of sexual abuse. And after reading about the rapes that occurred last year and how people say “she asked for it, she was dressed like a slut”, I’m asking myself: what do people even know about it? The picture above shows me exactly as I was dressed when it happened. The jacket is a men’s jacket, and so is my sweater. So tell me, was I showing off my breasts? Was I dressed in such a way that those guys thought it was necessary to touch me? Was I asking for it?
I was not. You can hardly see my breasts and it was raining, so I was well covered up. And tell me, even if I was showing them off, why should they be allowed to touch me?
On another related subject, today I was reading my favorite online magazine, and there was a video where a famous French radio host talked about “how to kiss a random girl with 3 questions” (http://www.madmoizelle.com/embrasser-inconnue-pley-207075) (this is the link to the article but the video is on it). The guy basically asked the girls four questions (Can I ask you a question? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you find me attractive? Tell me why I shouldn’t kiss you?) and kissed them. Even if the girl said no. Even if she has a boyfriend. Sometimes without even waiting for the answer.
The article states that it’s abuse because the guy takes the girl by surprise and it’s against the law. Worst, some of the girls are alone and it’s dark, and the first girl is even busy taking money from the machine.
The comments are even worse, because fourteen-year-old boys are saying that they’re gonna try this at school, some guys say that they don’t see where the problem is, some say that there was no aggression in this, and even worse, some people say that it’s the girl’s fault.
Hello? The guy is the one who walks up to them and kisses them without consent. Would that guy like it if another guy did the same to him? Would he think it’s aggression? Would he think it’s abuse? Of course he would, but since we’re girls, it’s okay. As if we were born in the unique goal to please men.
I’m just trying to show people that rape doesn’t occur because the victims ask for it. Thus the word “victims”. The abusers act because they act on impulse, and it’s wrong, it’s terribly wrong. The victims never ask for it.
Don’t fucking touch someone if they don’t give their consent. Don’t fucking touch them because you thought it was okay. If someone says no, they fucking mean it.
Please pass the word on.